love-746678_640I remember rushing to my parents and telling them that I “needed” a certain item of clothing, or a new backpack or a necklace similar to a piece of jewelry which everyone else was wearing.

My dad would reply, “Do you need it or do you just want it?”

Some things I truly did need, like basketball shoes when I made the basketball team and a lunch when we traveled to away games. Somethings I just “wanted” like gaudy jewelry that I wasn’t really all that fond of but was the style my friends had adopted.

When you are looking to find partner you need to distinguish what you “want” and what you “need.” Just because I admitted to my father that I didn’t absolutely need a necklace did not mean I didn’t get it. But wants are negotiable–maybe nice to have, but not of the same importance as a need.

Wants include the things you think you’d like in a partner. Such things include:

  • Specific occupation
  • High IQ
  • Specific height, weight, hair color
  • Maybe even talents you wish they would have: musical, athletic.
  • Specific ethnicity.

pair-954065_640Think seriously about these “wants.” For some people they maybe “needs,” but not always.

  • An individual who is extremely bright might languish in his or her intellectual abilities and never increase. Consider the idea that a curious person maybe more engaging over time.
  • Beauty fades, but a caring individual typically remains kind and caring over time.
  • Money is nice to have, but wealth might not be nearly as entertaining in the long haul as humor.
  • From a family with similar values to yours, rather than someone from a specific ethnic or social background.

Remember wants are negotiable. Decide what you really need in life.